It has been a long time since I wrote a blog post that wasn’t sponsored or a review. That has been on my mind a lot. I started this blog to write about my pregnancy journey, and then my experiences as a mom – and so – here I am writing about something that happened yesterday that I want to remember, and also share with you – because that’s what this blog is for. 🙂
Yesterday when I went to pick up the kids from my mom’s house after work I found them both sleeping on her couch so I hung out for a little while until Owen woke up.
Emma hasn’t been feeling great, so I felt bad about waking her up and decided to leave her with my mom until she woke up. I packed up their things, put Owen in the car and went home.
When I got home I was unloading the car and couldn’t help but notice how nice the weather was. This is very rare as we live in South Florida – it’s always disgustingly hot, even at 6PM! I went to get Owen out of his car seat and his happy face and adorable smile made me smile. Instead of taking him inside I popped my car trunk open, took out his stroller and sat him down.
We live right next to a park and there were a bunch of kids there. Some playing soccer, a little boy throwing a football with his dad, a mom pushing her daughter on the swing, etc so I decided to walk over there with Owen and just stroll him around for a bit.
On our walk I kept looking over to see his face and see if it looked like he was enjoying the walk. He looked curious! He was looking around, mostly just chillin’ haha, but I could tell that he was enjoying it.
I started to think about how nice it was to have a little alone time with him. Then out of nowhere I started to cry because I realized that IÂ never have alone time with him.
When Emma was his age we had done multiple Mommy & Me classes, gone on fun little baby play dates and even to the zoo! With Owen unless we are doing something for Emma or as a family, he doesn’t really do much.
I realize that things were different because Emma was my one and only child, but I also realized that even now that Owen’s here I make sure to make special time for Emma!
I leave Owen with my mom or Jaime and take her to the museum, to gymnastics, to a friend’s house to play or to the park. I have even left Owen with my mom before when friends were coming over to play with Emma.
I felt so guilty. I FEEL so guilty.
Guilty because Owen is 8 months old and it took me this long to realize that I haven’t done anything with just him. He has never had alone time with me.
I’m always worried about Emma feeling jealous or sad since Owen is with me most of the time, and how I often have to tell her to wait a minute, or be patient if she wants me to play but I’m nursing Owen, or putting Owen to sleep.
But then I thought about it, and those are really the only times when Owen gets “special” attention – if I’m nursing him or putting him to sleep, and that’s not very special at all! It’s not special because it’s routine, it’s things that I NEED to do, things that I HAVE to do, and he’s not having any fun!
So between my tears and my guilt I just stopped and stared at my sweet boy.
He is such a happy guy. If he’s fed, rested and clean – he’s happy. He doesn’t need more than that, and I know that to him I’m the best mommy ever, but as his mommy I feel so bad.
And so I decided to make sure that I plan fun things to do with my baby boy, just me and him.
All it took was just a walk in the park.
